Movie Review: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Simple Review: Del Torro’s Goosebumps

There comes a time in a young persons’ life when they start to go through changes and they become curious, looking to experiment with something new and dangerous. We’ve all been through that awkward time in our lives when wholesome animated cowboys and spacemen don’t hold your interest but that movie poster that has the guy with a chainsaw for a hand grabs your complete attention. Way back when I was at that age there weren’t too many options to ease one into the horror world. You basically went from Disney wholesomeness to a nasty little alien bursting out of a man’s chest without much in between to prepare your young mind for such terrors. Fortunately for the youth of today, the world has coddled their sensitive feelings and a new sub-genre of horror films has emerged targeting the PG-13 crowd that isn’t quite ready for the gore. New to that group of films is Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, a soft-core horror film produced by Guillermo Del Torro that is ready to introduce youngsters to the wonderful world of horror.  Continue reading “Movie Review: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark”

Movie Review: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Simple Review: Does Quentin ever say “cut”?

Did you miss me? Admit it, you did and you started to lose hope that I would ever return to help you navigate your local motion picture theater so you could avoid wasting your hard-earned money. You can rest easy as I am making my triumphant return to the movie critique game with a triumphant review of Quentin Tarantino’s not so triumphant return to filmmaking. Oops, did I give away my opinion too soon, well, unlike said filmmaker I am choosing to get to the point instead of dragging it out to please my own ego. So turn on ” Stuck in the middle with you”, grab your straight razor and let’s get medieval on this review. Continue reading “Movie Review: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”

Movie Review: Rocketman

Simple Review: Reg strikes back!

Here is a tidbit for you youngsters reading my brilliant work: if Hollywood starts making biopics of musicians you love then you are officially old. As a cinematic reminder that I am inching closer to meeting the supernatural anesthetist ( anyone get that reference? If so we are now best friends), Hollywood has delivered another movie chronicling the life of a musician I grew up listening to, Elton John. After the success of the Queen biopic, Bohemian Rhapsody, Elton’s life seems like a natural fit for the next big screen adaptation of an over-the-top rock star. As theatrical as Freddie Mercury was, Elton took it to eleven so who wouldn’t want to see this incredible showman’s rise to superstardom played out on screen? So did Rocketman do Captain Fantastic justice or did it go breaking my heart? Well, put on your platform shoes, throw a pair of wacky glasses on your face and lets crocidile rock this review! La-La-La-la-laaaaa Continue reading “Movie Review: Rocketman”

Movie Review: Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Simple Review: Go, Go Godzilla!

Isn’t it amazing that a movie made in 1954 staring a guy in a rubber suit stomping on a city model could have lead to a 35 film franchise that made a household name out of a giant, radioactive lizard? Yet, here we are in 2019 and movie-going audiences are still craving more kaiju mayhem. Enter Godzilla: King of the Monsters which brings back our friendly neighborhood prehistoric reptile with a few cuddly friends, and some not so cuddly. This follow up to the appropriately named 2014 film, Godzilla, looks to amp up the monster action by throwing as many gargantuan creatures at our hero as can be fit into a two-hour flick. Does Godzilla: King of the Monsters crush all that stand in its way or does it make you yearn for the days of Mathew Broderick and French commandos? Well, grab your loved ones and run as fast as you can before I drop my big ole foot on this movie review! Continue reading “Movie Review: Godzilla: King of the Monsters”

Movie Review: Brightburn

Simple Review- Kal Ev-El

Sometimes a movie comes along with such a simple concept that one has to wonder why no one thought of it before. A cop gets trapped in a high rise building by terrorists in L.A., boom you get Diehard. Super tough commandos get hunted by an unstoppable alien, boom you get Predator. A man enters other peoples dreams to implant an idea to help out super rich corporations while trying to avoid his wife, although she isn’t really his wife but an incarnation from his subconscious that interferes with a heist set in another person dream while they go further into what may or may not be reality…ok that one might not be so simple. ( Inception by the way, but you knew that) Enter Brightburn a film that answers the question: What if Clark Kent chose the dark side? Pretty simple idea, right? Did the film answer that question? Well, grab your Kryptonite and meet me at the Fortress of Solitude to hit this unstoppable force of a movie with the immovable object that is this review. Continue reading “Movie Review: Brightburn”

Movie Review: Avengers: Endgame

Simple Review: Does it matter? You’re going to see it anyway!

Congratulations my fellow film nerd you have survived the year-long wait to get the answers you have craved about your favorite Marvel Cinematic Univers characters since the shocking end of Avengers: Infinity War. When the year began your biggest question was “How can our heroes save the day?” but as the film has approached your two biggest questions have been ” How can I avoid spoilers?” and ” Can I make it three hours without going to the restroom?” I cannot help you with with the latter but the former is the challenge that I have accepted to help ease any concerns you may have about Avengers: Endgame. So let’s suit up, say something snarky and walk-in cool slow motion toward our review of the most important movie in the HISTORY of the Universe. Continue reading “Movie Review: Avengers: Endgame”

Movie Review: Shazam!

Simple Review: Big time superhero! ( ain’t I clever?)

I don’t know who is in charge over at DC but I have to tip my cap to them. The DC movie universe seemed to be on the verge on imploding after the release of Justice League and all of the controversy that surrounded it. It had appeared that Marvel was the big brother that could do no wrong while DC was the little brother that disappointed mom and dad with all that movie review blog nonsense. Much like that scrappy little bro blogger, DC threw caution to the wind and gave us a movie about a superhero Fishman and another about a kid turning into a superhero by quoting Gomer Pyle. While I wasn’t a big fan of Aquaman I can’t argue with its big screen success so I took a chance with the newest DC movie, Shazam! and I can hear you through the internet waves asking ” Did Shazam! keep DC’s winning streak going or did it electrocute any chance DC has of catching Marvel?” Well, drop a quarter in the Zoltar machine and your wish will be granted with another review even Tom Hanks would endorse.  Continue reading “Movie Review: Shazam!”