Movie Review: It Chapter Two

Simple Review: IT is 2 damn long! (“that’s what she said”-M. Scott)

At this moment in human history, it isn’t difficult to feel sorry for anyone choosing the profession of a grease painted jester. There is a current trend to vilify the once noble clown profession which only wants to provide laughter to the masses. Thanks to John Wayne Gacy, the Joker, and Ronald McDonald the world has become terrified of anyone wearing a clown outfit. Perhaps the one that his done the most to change the love of clowns to absolute fright is none other than Pennywise the clown. Since his debut in the novel “IT” and Tim Curry’s sinister portrayal of the character in the miniseries of the same name, Pennywise has made us all leery of clowns. In 2017 Bill Skarsgärd reintroduced the world to this fiendish clown and made us all run from clowns faster than I run from broccoli. Two years later he has returned to Derry, Maine, and our local cinema to bring more crazy clown carnage (that’s alliteration kiddos) to our lives. Let’s turn on the water and see what floats in this review of It Chapter Two unless your name is Georgie, then you might want to float your boat somewhere else! Continue reading “Movie Review: It Chapter Two”

Movie Review: Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Simple Review: Go, Go Godzilla!

Isn’t it amazing that a movie made in 1954 staring a guy in a rubber suit stomping on a city model could have lead to a 35 film franchise that made a household name out of a giant, radioactive lizard? Yet, here we are in 2019 and movie-going audiences are still craving more kaiju mayhem. Enter Godzilla: King of the Monsters which brings back our friendly neighborhood prehistoric reptile with a few cuddly friends, and some not so cuddly. This follow up to the appropriately named 2014 film, Godzilla, looks to amp up the monster action by throwing as many gargantuan creatures at our hero as can be fit into a two-hour flick. Does Godzilla: King of the Monsters crush all that stand in its way or does it make you yearn for the days of Mathew Broderick and French commandos? Well, grab your loved ones and run as fast as you can before I drop my big ole foot on this movie review! Continue reading “Movie Review: Godzilla: King of the Monsters”

Movie Review: Shazam!

Simple Review: Big time superhero! ( ain’t I clever?)

I don’t know who is in charge over at DC but I have to tip my cap to them. The DC movie universe seemed to be on the verge on imploding after the release of Justice League and all of the controversy that surrounded it. It had appeared that Marvel was the big brother that could do no wrong while DC was the little brother that disappointed mom and dad with all that movie review blog nonsense. Much like that scrappy little bro blogger, DC threw caution to the wind and gave us a movie about a superhero Fishman and another about a kid turning into a superhero by quoting Gomer Pyle. While I wasn’t a big fan of Aquaman I can’t argue with its big screen success so I took a chance with the newest DC movie, Shazam! and I can hear you through the internet waves asking ” Did Shazam! keep DC’s winning streak going or did it electrocute any chance DC has of catching Marvel?” Well, drop a quarter in the Zoltar machine and your wish will be granted with another review even Tom Hanks would endorse.  Continue reading “Movie Review: Shazam!”

Movie Review: Captain Marvel

Simple Review: Everyone relax, it’s just a movie!

I don’t know if I have ever been so scared to have an opinion of a movie in my life! I believe that there is a team of internet assassins quietly waiting in the shadows to eviscerate my cyberspace persona whatever my opinion of Captain Marvel is. It is as if the fate of the world rests on the shoulders of a superhero movie aimed at selling toys to kids. What the hell has happened to us that we have put this much pressure on a movie to provide some sort of social justice to our lives? I mean, this is a movie about aliens fighting a woman that shoots lasers out of her hands so maybe we could take it down a notch. Never the less, I shall risk life and limb to provide you THE best review of Captain Marvel on the entire world wide web or your money back. So, let’s suit up, jump on a Quinjet and save the planet….again. We can do this all day! Continue reading “Movie Review: Captain Marvel”

Movie Review: Happy Death Day 2U

Simple Review: A pleasant surprise party

Sometimes a movie comes along that is like eating at your favorite fast food restaurant, you know it isn’t five-star cuisine but it makes your tummy happy while you eat it. Happy Death Day was such a movie for me. I went into it with doubt it would be good, but curious about what they would do with the premise and much to my surprise I had a good time watching it. Sure the movie was far from perfect but it had an excellent lead acting performance and the filmmakers had fun with the Groundhog Day meets a horror movie plot. When the sequel was announced I rolled my eyes at what seemed to be a quick cash grab, but I admit I was curious to see what they could possibly do to follow up the first film. Does Happy Death Day 2U deliver a worthy continuation of the story or does it ruin the party by binge drinking and throwing up birthday cake on your new couch? Grab your last minute present, light them candles and let’s try to throw a big ole surprise party for this silly review! Continue reading “Movie Review: Happy Death Day 2U”

Movie Review: The Lego Movie 2

Simple Review: A fun trip back to Lego-land

Isn’t it amazing how animated movies have become consistently better movie-going experiences than their live-action counterparts? It is difficult to find a bad movie in animated franchises like How to Train Your Dragon, Kung-Fu Panda, Disney animated movies and the king of them all Pixar and their barrage of non-stop hits. These movies not only transport us to new and exciting worlds but are well-crafted movies that not only deliver on the visual eye candy but the emotional as well. How is it that these “kids” movies have better characters, better scripts and better direction than 90% of the dribble us unlucky “adults” have to sit through? Admit it, you care more about what is going to happen to Buzz and Woody in their next adventure than you care about ANYTHING your co-workers tell you about their lives! And that is why I love you, my reliable reader, yes I love you as much as an internet movie review blogger can, especially you ladies. I am getting sidetracked here so let me continue with my stream of consciousness. This week The Lego Movie 2 makes its way into the cinemas looking to build on the excellence of the first and grow this into one of the better franchises in animated movies. Does it succeed? The only to find out is to put another Lego brick in the wall because you can’t have any pudding if you don’t read this review.  Continue reading “Movie Review: The Lego Movie 2”

Movie Review: Glass

Simple Review: The Last Glass-bender

Here is a simple question: Has there ever been a more frustrating filmmaker than M. Night Shyamalan? At his best, we have seen excellent films like The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Split but that same mind delivered the cinematic poop ( yes I said poop) like The Happening, The Last Airbender and After Earth! How is that possible? It would be like Billy Shakespeare following up Macbeth, Hamlet, and Othello with the Twilight books. ( yes, I had to look those up and no, I am not comparing him with M. Night just making a silly point!) When Split was released in 2016, I had low expectations and was pleasantly surprised by that movie, especially James McAvoy, who made that movie with his performance. With the little twist at the end connecting Split with Unbreakable, I was cautiously excited to see what Glass could deliver. So, did Glass end the trilogy on a high note, or did it shatter and cover the floor as we ran away from Hans Gruber’s goons cutting our feet, leaving us bleeding and hiding in a bathroom at Nakatomi Tower? ( Not bad, right?) There is only one way to find out, my friend, read on! Continue reading “Movie Review: Glass”