Simple Review: Brad’s bad space-dad
Greetings fellow film fanatics! I have missed our little expeditions into the wonderful world of cinema and I finally have a reason to invite you all back into my life, the new film Ad Astra. Who doesn’t get excited at the prospect of a new science fiction movie? The added benefit of reviewing this particular sci-fi feature is that it stars Brad Pitt so I might actually get some female readers this time! With that in mind, I will try my best to bring my A-game to this review so as to impress the ladies with my wit and charm. So let’s take our protein pills and put our helmets on to explore this space oddity for the verdict on Ad Astra. Continue reading “Movie Review: Ad Astra”
Simple Review: IT is 2 damn long! (“that’s what she said”-M. Scott)
At this moment in human history, it isn’t difficult to feel sorry for anyone choosing the profession of a grease painted jester. There is a current trend to vilify the once noble clown profession which only wants to provide laughter to the masses. Thanks to John Wayne Gacy, the Joker, and Ronald McDonald the world has become terrified of anyone wearing a clown outfit. Perhaps the one that his done the most to change the love of clowns to absolute fright is none other than Pennywise the clown. Since his debut in the novel “IT” and Tim Curry’s sinister portrayal of the character in the miniseries of the same name, Pennywise has made us all leery of clowns. In 2017 Bill Skarsgärd reintroduced the world to this fiendish clown and made us all run from clowns faster than I run from broccoli. Two years later he has returned to Derry, Maine, and our local cinema to bring more crazy clown carnage (that’s alliteration kiddos) to our lives. Let’s turn on the water and see what floats in this review of It Chapter Two unless your name is Georgie, then you might want to float your boat somewhere else! Continue reading “Movie Review: It Chapter Two”
Simple Review: A most dangerous game
A wedding is both a romantic dream come true and an event rife with frayed nerves and epic levels of anxiety, hoping everything comes together perfectly for the new couple. Once the nuptials are over the honeymoon night allows the release of stress for the newlyweds giving them one final night of fun before the marriage slowly drains the life from them until the sweet release of death sets them free from each other. That may seem jaded but let’s face it the truth hurts sometimes. The new horror/comedy Ready or Not doesn’t waste years getting to the nightmare of marriage instead a young bride learns quickly that your in-laws have only one goal: ruin your life. Allow me to act as your horror movie marriage counselor and let us work together to try to save this dysfunctional relationship before someone gets hurt, or worse, before we have to talk to the most soulless being in the universe, a divorce lawyer! Continue reading “Movie Review: Ready or Not”
Simple Review: Del Torro’s Goosebumps
There comes a time in a young persons’ life when they start to go through changes and they become curious, looking to experiment with something new and dangerous. We’ve all been through that awkward time in our lives when wholesome animated cowboys and spacemen don’t hold your interest but that movie poster that has the guy with a chainsaw for a hand grabs your complete attention. Way back when I was at that age there weren’t too many options to ease one into the horror world. You basically went from Disney wholesomeness to a nasty little alien bursting out of a man’s chest without much in between to prepare your young mind for such terrors. Fortunately for the youth of today, the world has coddled their sensitive feelings and a new sub-genre of horror films has emerged targeting the PG-13 crowd that isn’t quite ready for the gore. New to that group of films is Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, a soft-core horror film produced by Guillermo Del Torro that is ready to introduce youngsters to the wonderful world of horror. Continue reading “Movie Review: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark”
Simple Review: Does Quentin ever say “cut”?
Did you miss me? Admit it, you did and you started to lose hope that I would ever return to help you navigate your local motion picture theater so you could avoid wasting your hard-earned money. You can rest easy as I am making my triumphant return to the movie critique game with a triumphant review of Quentin Tarantino’s not so triumphant return to filmmaking. Oops, did I give away my opinion too soon, well, unlike said filmmaker I am choosing to get to the point instead of dragging it out to please my own ego. So turn on ” Stuck in the middle with you”, grab your straight razor and let’s get medieval on this review. Continue reading “Movie Review: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood”
Simple Review: Reg strikes back!
Here is a tidbit for you youngsters reading my brilliant work: if Hollywood starts making biopics of musicians you love then you are officially old. As a cinematic reminder that I am inching closer to meeting the supernatural anesthetist ( anyone get that reference? If so we are now best friends), Hollywood has delivered another movie chronicling the life of a musician I grew up listening to, Elton John. After the success of the Queen biopic, Bohemian Rhapsody, Elton’s life seems like a natural fit for the next big screen adaptation of an over-the-top rock star. As theatrical as Freddie Mercury was, Elton took it to eleven so who wouldn’t want to see this incredible showman’s rise to superstardom played out on screen? So did Rocketman do Captain Fantastic justice or did it go breaking my heart? Well, put on your platform shoes, throw a pair of wacky glasses on your face and lets crocidile rock this review! La-La-La-la-laaaaa Continue reading “Movie Review: Rocketman”
Simple Review: Go, Go Godzilla!
Isn’t it amazing that a movie made in 1954 staring a guy in a rubber suit stomping on a city model could have lead to a 35 film franchise that made a household name out of a giant, radioactive lizard? Yet, here we are in 2019 and movie-going audiences are still craving more kaiju mayhem. Enter Godzilla: King of the Monsters which brings back our friendly neighborhood prehistoric reptile with a few cuddly friends, and some not so cuddly. This follow up to the appropriately named 2014 film, Godzilla, looks to amp up the monster action by throwing as many gargantuan creatures at our hero as can be fit into a two-hour flick. Does Godzilla: King of the Monsters crush all that stand in its way or does it make you yearn for the days of Mathew Broderick and French commandos? Well, grab your loved ones and run as fast as you can before I drop my big ole foot on this movie review! Continue reading “Movie Review: Godzilla: King of the Monsters”