Movie Review: Zombieland 2: Double Tap

Simple Review: Is it bad to route for the zombies at this point?

Here we are my fellow film fanatics, another sequel from the artistic chop shop we call Hollywood. The unique instance we find ourselves in with Zombieland 2: Double Tap is that this particular sequel is for a movie that came out ten years ago which does make it unusual as most studios pump out sequels fast and cheap to get your hard-earned money. So, you may be asking, did the filmmakers use the ten-year hiatus to craft a sequel worthy of being compared to Godfather 2The Empire Strikes Back and Bill and Teds Bogus Journey? (yep you read that right and it IS in the top three all-time!) Let’s limber up, work on our cardio and see if Zombieland 2 has enough brains to keep these hungry zombies satisfied.  Continue reading “Movie Review: Zombieland 2: Double Tap”

Movie Review: It Chapter Two

Simple Review: IT is 2 damn long! (“that’s what she said”-M. Scott)

At this moment in human history, it isn’t difficult to feel sorry for anyone choosing the profession of a grease painted jester. There is a current trend to vilify the once noble clown profession which only wants to provide laughter to the masses. Thanks to John Wayne Gacy, the Joker, and Ronald McDonald the world has become terrified of anyone wearing a clown outfit. Perhaps the one that his done the most to change the love of clowns to absolute fright is none other than Pennywise the clown. Since his debut in the novel “IT” and Tim Curry’s sinister portrayal of the character in the miniseries of the same name, Pennywise has made us all leery of clowns. In 2017 Bill Skarsgärd reintroduced the world to this fiendish clown and made us all run from clowns faster than I run from broccoli. Two years later he has returned to Derry, Maine, and our local cinema to bring more crazy clown carnage (that’s alliteration kiddos) to our lives. Let’s turn on the water and see what floats in this review of It Chapter Two unless your name is Georgie, then you might want to float your boat somewhere else! Continue reading “Movie Review: It Chapter Two”

Movie Review: Ready or Not

Simple Review: A most dangerous game

A wedding is both a romantic dream come true and an event rife with frayed nerves and epic levels of anxiety, hoping everything comes together perfectly for the new couple. Once the nuptials are over the honeymoon night allows the release of stress for the newlyweds giving them one final night of fun before the marriage slowly drains the life from them until the sweet release of death sets them free from each other. That may seem jaded but let’s face it the truth hurts sometimes. The new horror/comedy Ready or Not doesn’t waste years getting to the nightmare of marriage instead a young bride learns quickly that your in-laws have only one goal: ruin your life. Allow me to act as your horror movie marriage counselor and let us work together to try to save this dysfunctional relationship before someone gets hurt, or worse, before we have to talk to the most soulless being in the universe, a divorce lawyer!  Continue reading “Movie Review: Ready or Not”

Movie Review: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Simple Review: Del Torro’s Goosebumps

There comes a time in a young persons’ life when they start to go through changes and they become curious, looking to experiment with something new and dangerous. We’ve all been through that awkward time in our lives when wholesome animated cowboys and spacemen don’t hold your interest but that movie poster that has the guy with a chainsaw for a hand grabs your complete attention. Way back when I was at that age there weren’t too many options to ease one into the horror world. You basically went from Disney wholesomeness to a nasty little alien bursting out of a man’s chest without much in between to prepare your young mind for such terrors. Fortunately for the youth of today, the world has coddled their sensitive feelings and a new sub-genre of horror films has emerged targeting the PG-13 crowd that isn’t quite ready for the gore. New to that group of films is Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, a soft-core horror film produced by Guillermo Del Torro that is ready to introduce youngsters to the wonderful world of horror.  Continue reading “Movie Review: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark”

Movie Review: Brightburn

Simple Review- Kal Ev-El

Sometimes a movie comes along with such a simple concept that one has to wonder why no one thought of it before. A cop gets trapped in a high rise building by terrorists in L.A., boom you get Diehard. Super tough commandos get hunted by an unstoppable alien, boom you get Predator. A man enters other peoples dreams to implant an idea to help out super rich corporations while trying to avoid his wife, although she isn’t really his wife but an incarnation from his subconscious that interferes with a heist set in another person dream while they go further into what may or may not be reality…ok that one might not be so simple. ( Inception by the way, but you knew that) Enter Brightburn a film that answers the question: What if Clark Kent chose the dark side? Pretty simple idea, right? Did the film answer that question? Well, grab your Kryptonite and meet me at the Fortress of Solitude to hit this unstoppable force of a movie with the immovable object that is this review. Continue reading “Movie Review: Brightburn”

Movie Review: Us

Simple Review: “Scare” Jordan!!

Have you ever been told that someone saw your twin on the other side of town, but you don’t have a twin? Normally you would tell a lame joke about it and laugh it off but after watching Us you might want to get out of town quick, fast and in a hurry. Jordan Peele brings a new mind-bending journey into the horror realm with his evil doppelgänger film and I recommend wearing an adult diaper because leaving your seat during this movie is unacceptable. Thank the maker for Jordan stepping into the horror genre to bring more than jump scares and mindless clichés and delivering films that you actually have to use your brain a bit to enjoy. I am well aware that you have figured out my opinion of Us, but let’s throw a bucket of fishheads into the attic for Hugo Simpson and split the zygote of this review and see which twin is evil and which one is good! Continue reading “Movie Review: Us”

Movie Review: Greta

Simple Review: Friends until the end…of your LIFE!

For some of you super cool cats out there making new friends is effortless, for others of us climbing Mt. Everest would be an easier task than finding companionship. It is strange that we live in a world where we are all constantly connected to our internet social networks yet our list of actual, physical relationships grows smaller and smaller, especially if you are a natural introvert. In order to find a few friends out of the seven billion people on this blue and green ball floating through the universe, sometimes you have to try new ways to meet people. You could join a club, take dance lessons, try a cooking class or, let’s say, leave a bag on the subway with your information in it in hopes a good citizen will return it to you. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. This week Hollywood delivers the touching story of a woman trying to find someone to connect with in this crazy, crazy world with the release of Greta. Does Greta have the right personality to become our B.F.F. or is she destined to become our frenemy? There is only one way to find out my friends, so read on or in the box you go. Continue reading “Movie Review: Greta”