Simple Review: And he brought a bad script with him!
What would my life be like without Netflix? Instead of doing something as productive as starting a new hobby like knitting with dog hair, reading a classic work of literature such as Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets or silently weeping as I ponder on the loneliness of my life, I scroll through the endless list of movies that my friend Netflix has to offer. Sometimes Netflix delivers a quality piece of entertainment that leaves me satisfied with my choice. Most of the time, however, Netflix only serves to make me regret wasting what little time I have left on this blue rock floating through the cosmos. This review will center on a horror movie I discovered after 90 minutes of scrolling through choices, called He’s Out There. This isn’t a Netflix original, but it was on my favorite streaming service, so don’t get all technical with me about calling this a Netflix review. Remember how much you paid me for this review! Continue reading “Netflix Review: He’s Out There”
Simple Review: A pleasant surprise party
Sometimes a movie comes along that is like eating at your favorite fast food restaurant, you know it isn’t five-star cuisine but it makes your tummy happy while you eat it. Happy Death Day was such a movie for me. I went into it with doubt it would be good, but curious about what they would do with the premise and much to my surprise I had a good time watching it. Sure the movie was far from perfect but it had an excellent lead acting performance and the filmmakers had fun with the Groundhog Day meets a horror movie plot. When the sequel was announced I rolled my eyes at what seemed to be a quick cash grab, but I admit I was curious to see what they could possibly do to follow up the first film. Does Happy Death Day 2U deliver a worthy continuation of the story or does it ruin the party by binge drinking and throwing up birthday cake on your new couch? Grab your last minute present, light them candles and let’s try to throw a big ole surprise party for this silly review! Continue reading “Movie Review: Happy Death Day 2U”
Simple Review: Not very smart!
Being a parent is a frightening venture that will test any persons confidence and reveal a new level of anxiety. From worrying about your child’s health, safety, choice of friends to keeping him or her as far from the internet as possible, parents can be in what feels like a 24-hour horror movie. Oh sure, kids are a blessing and I wouldn’t trade mine for anything in the world, except maybe Scarlette Johansson’s phone number ( just kidding), it is a challenge to enter into child rearing. If it wasn’t scary enough, imagine if your kid was part young Sheldon and part Hannibal Lector! Needless to say, your kid wouldn’t be getting too many invites to parties at Chuck E Cheese. Following this line of thought comes the new horror movie, The Prodigy, a film dealing with such a “gifted” child and the chaos that follows in his wake. Does The Prodigy deliver a beautiful bundle of joy, or is it the equivalent of your friends ugly baby that you lie and tell its parents it is adorable? ( It’s ok we’ve all done it) Continue reading “Movie Review: The Prodigy”
Simple Review: A fun trip back to Lego-land
Isn’t it amazing how animated movies have become consistently better movie-going experiences than their live-action counterparts? It is difficult to find a bad movie in animated franchises like How to Train Your Dragon, Kung-Fu Panda, Disney animated movies and the king of them all Pixar and their barrage of non-stop hits. These movies not only transport us to new and exciting worlds but are well-crafted movies that not only deliver on the visual eye candy but the emotional as well. How is it that these “kids” movies have better characters, better scripts and better direction than 90% of the dribble us unlucky “adults” have to sit through? Admit it, you care more about what is going to happen to Buzz and Woody in their next adventure than you care about ANYTHING your co-workers tell you about their lives! And that is why I love you, my reliable reader, yes I love you as much as an internet movie review blogger can, especially you ladies. I am getting sidetracked here so let me continue with my stream of consciousness. This week The Lego Movie 2 makes its way into the cinemas looking to build on the excellence of the first and grow this into one of the better franchises in animated movies. Does it succeed? The only to find out is to put another Lego brick in the wall because you can’t have any pudding if you don’t read this review. Continue reading “Movie Review: The Lego Movie 2”
Simple review: Stark raving Mads
As we trudge through the miserable movie month ( that’s alliteration, kids) of January there is one thing any cinephile should be thankful for, Netflix! While Hollywood has not delivered its best options this month, Netflix has been throwing everything it can at television screens around the world to see if anything sticks. One of the titles that caught my eye, and my excitement, was Polar starring everyone’s favorite Danish badass Mads Mikkelsen. Ever since he first hit my cinematic radar as Le Chiffre in Casino Royale, I have tried my best to watch anything he is in as he is an excellent actor and, frankly, cool as wish I could be! So when Netflix offers up Mads as a retiring assassin looking for vengeance I knew it was a must watch. Did Polar hit its target and entertain me on this cold January night, or did it stink on ice? What’s that? You want me to stop with the cold puns? ” I’m afraid that my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.” ( Holy bad movie quotes! I used a quote from the worst Batman movie ever!) Continue reading “Netflix Review: Polar”
Simple Review: You’ll wish for the apocalypse
Who knew the end of the world would be such a cornucopia of ideas for movies from our beloved Hollywood? We have witnessed apocalypses at the hands of zombies, Apes with guns, Cyborgs with bigger guns and Austrian accents and Australians in S&M outfits ( frankly, that last one is the scariest!). That is just the tip of the Titanic sinking iceberg (too soon?) and with the current state of the world, it is not surprising this genre is in demand with audiences. Thanks to the gift that keeps on giving, Netflix, I have seen our beloved celestial home on the brink of extinction more times than I can count, as I only have ten fingers and math was never my subject in school. This week I took a chance on another “end of the world” movie, IO, to see if the human race survives yet another threat to our existence. So, did IO gather enough supplies to keep us alive or did those leather-clad Australians run it over in their post-apocalyptic jalopies? The only way to find out is to put on your oxygen mask and follow me into the catastrophic ruins of this review! Continue reading “Netflix Review: IO”
Simple Review: The Last Glass-bender
Here is a simple question: Has there ever been a more frustrating filmmaker than M. Night Shyamalan? At his best, we have seen excellent films like The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Split but that same mind delivered the cinematic poop ( yes I said poop) like The Happening, The Last Airbender and After Earth! How is that possible? It would be like Billy Shakespeare following up Macbeth, Hamlet, and Othello with the Twilight books. ( yes, I had to look those up and no, I am not comparing him with M. Night just making a silly point!) When Split was released in 2016, I had low expectations and was pleasantly surprised by that movie, especially James McAvoy, who made that movie with his performance. With the little twist at the end connecting Split with Unbreakable, I was cautiously excited to see what Glass could deliver. So, did Glass end the trilogy on a high note, or did it shatter and cover the floor as we ran away from Hans Gruber’s goons cutting our feet, leaving us bleeding and hiding in a bathroom at Nakatomi Tower? ( Not bad, right?) There is only one way to find out, my friend, read on! Continue reading “Movie Review: Glass”