Netflix Review: Polar

Simple review: Stark raving Mads

As we trudge through the miserable movie month ( that’s alliteration, kids) of January there is one thing any cinephile should be thankful for, Netflix! While Hollywood has not delivered its best options this month, Netflix has been throwing everything it can at television screens around the world to see if anything sticks. One of the titles that caught my eye, and my excitement, was Polar starring everyone’s favorite Danish badass Mads Mikkelsen. Ever since he first hit my cinematic radar as Le Chiffre in Casino Royale, I have tried my best to watch anything he is in as he is an excellent actor and, frankly, cool as wish I could be! So when Netflix offers up Mads as a retiring assassin looking for vengeance I knew it was a must watch. Did Polar hit its target and entertain me on this cold January night, or did it stink on ice? What’s that? You want me to stop with the cold puns? ” I’m afraid that my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.” ( Holy bad movie quotes! I used a quote from the worst Batman movie ever!) Continue reading “Netflix Review: Polar”

Netflix Review: IO

Simple Review: You’ll wish for the apocalypse

Who knew the end of the world would be such a cornucopia of ideas for movies from our beloved Hollywood? We have witnessed apocalypses at the hands of zombies, Apes with guns, Cyborgs with bigger guns and Austrian accents and Australians in S&M outfits ( frankly, that last one is the scariest!). That is just the tip of the Titanic sinking iceberg (too soon?) and with the current state of the world, it is not surprising this genre is in demand with audiences. Thanks to the gift that keeps on giving, Netflix, I have seen our beloved celestial home on the brink of extinction more times than I can count, as I only have ten fingers and math was never my subject in school. This week I took a chance on another “end of the world” movie, IO, to see if the human race survives yet another threat to our existence. So, did IO gather enough supplies to keep us alive or did those leather-clad Australians run it over in their post-apocalyptic jalopies? The only way to find out is to put on your oxygen mask and follow me into the catastrophic ruins of this review! Continue reading “Netflix Review: IO”

Movie Review: Glass

Simple Review: The Last Glass-bender

Here is a simple question: Has there ever been a more frustrating filmmaker than M. Night Shyamalan? At his best, we have seen excellent films like The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Split but that same mind delivered the cinematic poop ( yes I said poop) like The Happening, The Last Airbender and After Earth! How is that possible? It would be like Billy Shakespeare following up Macbeth, Hamlet, and Othello with the Twilight books. ( yes, I had to look those up and no, I am not comparing him with M. Night just making a silly point!) When Split was released in 2016, I had low expectations and was pleasantly surprised by that movie, especially James McAvoy, who made that movie with his performance. With the little twist at the end connecting Split with Unbreakable, I was cautiously excited to see what Glass could deliver. So, did Glass end the trilogy on a high note, or did it shatter and cover the floor as we ran away from Hans Gruber’s goons cutting our feet, leaving us bleeding and hiding in a bathroom at Nakatomi Tower? ( Not bad, right?) There is only one way to find out, my friend, read on! Continue reading “Movie Review: Glass”

Movie Review: Escape Room

Simple review: Saw-lite

Welcome to January, the wasteland of movie releases. After the holiday season, studios are notorious for dumping their less than appealing movies into theaters to make a quick buck. Not a bad strategy, but for us, the movie-going public, it makes for a challenging month to find stimulating entertainment in the theater, well, on the screen anyway. What happens in the back row stays in the back row! Despite this arduous task before me, I set out to watch a movie to review for your entertainment and I ended up watching Escape Room. Was I able to figure out the puzzle and defeat this film, or did I run out of time and fail miserably, only to be trapped in this one forever? The only way to find out is to enter this crazy room and look for clues to this review. ( I promise the difficulty level is low) Continue reading “Movie Review: Escape Room”

Movie Review: Vice

Simple Review: Bale to the Chief, or The Vice is Right

There are some movies that are crowd pleasers that bring us all together to share a heartwarming story. Well, Vice is not that movie and writer/director Adam McKay doesn’t seem too interested in making one feel good about the subject matter. I have to admit as a frequent moviegoer it was nice to watch a movie that challenges you and makes you uncomfortable from time to time. Vice deals with periods in American history that lend themselves to controversial views as well as not painting the people in them as heroes to the country. It would be simple to show this time and these people in one ugly light but, to his credit, Adam McKay is able to bring more to the table than just bashing politicians. Does Vice win in a landslide, or does it have to give an awkward concession speech that no one will ever remember? The only way to find out is to meet me in the parking garage of this review where Deep Throat will give us the dirty details we want to hear. ( That is a historical reference and it sounds so dirty!! See I am smart and naughty as well) Continue reading “Movie Review: Vice”

Movie Review- Welcome to Marwen

Simple Review- G.I. D’oh

If you were lucky enough to grow up in the Eighties then you can’t help but be a fan of Robert Zemeckis. With a list of hits such as Romancing the Stone, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and, of course, the Back to the Future trilogy it would be difficult to not find one of his movies to love. Being one of those nerdy kids that the Eighties shaped into an emotionally stunted adult, I am always excited to see what movie the imagination of Zemeckis creates. This week Bobby delivers his latest creative vision in the form of Welcome to Marwen, a Hollywood version of a true life story so you know it must be accurate! You may be asking, ” What make you of this Marwen flick, Movie Psycho?” I am glad you asked my friend, and the answer lies in my imaginary life as a G.I. Joe or in the next paragraph, whichever is easier for you to comprehend. Continue reading “Movie Review- Welcome to Marwen”

Movie Review: Aquaman

Simple Review: Splash Ahh-AHHHH

The ocean is a terrifying place where everything swims faster than you and most can eat you in one gulp. If only there was a protector watching us as we frolic in the deep blue sea, but not in a weird stalker way. Well, we are in luck as this week Aquaman dog paddles his way into the local cinema to give us the underwater hero we didn’t know we needed or wanted. Unlike the Marvel cinematic universe, the DC universe keeps throwing movies against the wall hoping something will stick, which is the same technique James Wan uses in his superhero movie directorial debut. So, does Aquaman triumphantly leap from the water amazing us with his aquatic skills, or does he end up sleeping with the fishes? Put on your skimpiest bathing suit, lather on that sunscreen and meet me at the sandy beaches of this review, but don’t let little Alex Kintner out of your sight! Continue reading “Movie Review: Aquaman”